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ahhh let's talk about disappointment.. to be fair, i should've given up with the book sooner because even though it was kinda interesting at first, there was just not enough reasons to continue reading this and the only thing it did was just be as disappointing as i feared it might be.
long story short, neither the protagonist nor the plot make any sense.

reminder to myself: it's okay to give up reading some books, 馬鹿

3.5
i seem to rate most of the books i read 3.5 but oh well.

i actually did like this book, i found it quite interesting but mostly the first part of it, in which we get the perspective from the kidnapper. i found the second part with the victim's account a bit more annoying simply because i just did not like her at all. sure, she was a victim and whatnot, but her personality was just too irritating, too self-conceited, as if her ideas and her way of thinking were the only true, respectable way and like what. anyway. still, it was quite an interesting book from a psychological pov and just entertaining.

Being a queer woman myself who went through a tumultuous lesbian relationship before it met its inevitable end, I found this book more than engaging and interesting. We all know there's not enough written accounts —or media, for that matter— about abuse in queer relationships, so I think Machado's memory is a very necessary addition to a shelf that should start getting bigger with the years, about literature that must exist about people like us, who may end up in relationships that should perhaps not ever come to be.

That's why this book is so scary, I think, because it's raw in the way abuse is depicted without it needing to involve the typical force of physical violence, describing instead what can be just as damaging: psychological abuse. God knows it's fucking taxing to go through something like this, something that seems senseless and unexplainable and, ultimately, our fault. But, luckily, these things can have a bittersweet ending and actually end at some goddamn point, even though we may think we got this far and maybe if we try just a little bit harder, it'll get better. Sadly, in most cases, it does not, and both people need help, some more than others. To put a stop to a relationship that got a bit out of hands is really difficult but, once done, liberating and deserved.

This book clearly hit home, even if not to the fullest extent. Still, I think this was a book that I needed to read, that came right at the time when my own story finally has been closed and shelved on the memory lane, for ever and ever —or, well, for as long as my own story goes on.

3.5
I did not know much about Philippines' history before reading this book. I did not know Jorge Rizal, I did not know he wrote this book is Spanish, either, which was a huge surprise and a pang to my heart since I'd bought -unsuspectedly- the English edition. Sadly, since I spent a good amount of money on the book, even though reading it in Spanish would've been a lot better, I read it in English. Nevertheless, I found this book to be very educative and dramatic in its depiction of the tragic hero that must die for his country, in vain. I feel for the people who have to live through such tyranic, horrible times, and the Philippines suffered greatly, under such a barbaric rule.

Still, the book itself was not that enjoyable, the hero's actions were quite ridiculous at times and I just do not really enjoy a character like that and the depiction of suffering for suffering sake. Even so, this book made me learn a lot and I think it's important to read it to understand this piece of history I would not have discovered otherwise, therefore the 3.5 rating.

ich glaube es war ein sehr interessantes Buch aber ich habe manchmal ein bisschen unübersichtliche, der povs zu unterscheiden, gefunden. Natürlich, Deutsch ist nicht meine Muttersprache und vielleicht diese Situation hat nicht bevor passiert, für die Anderen, die das Buch gelesen haben. Es waren auch ein Paar schöne Quotes und ich habe das Tema 'hikikomori' sehr interessant gefunden, besonders weil Milena japanischer abstammung has.

damn... what a ride

don't care about much so team masako all the way

well well well finally a Mishima book I can enjoy completely. this book's main character reminded me of the protagonist of the movie Blue Spring (青い春) which was more than welcomed.

i do love the theme of destroying national monuments and i always appreciate japanese literature's subtleness, as well as Mishima's reflections on beauty itself.

what a pity to hear that Mishima is not read all that much in Japan nowadays! i guess it makes sense, though, taking into consideration everything he preached about and how little someone from this time would care about those ideals... still, kinda sad to hear about that.

what a pleasure to read Tanizaki!

I really enjoyed this book, learnt a lot of things about japanese society in the 40s and got close to the Makioka family without any issue, each character was very well written and I enjoyed reading about their struggles and daily life.

can't wait to read more of this author!

for a short book this sure took me way longer than it had to...
must admit it was kinda boring. i'm sorry kawabata.

what a joy to have read this book, seriously.

I enjoyed all the stories but damn if the ones following the famous I-novel genre weren't exceptionally superb... what a genius this man was, his ability to write was out of this world and I have fallen in love with this sad, sad man who left this earth way too early. I enjoyed The life of a stupid man most of all, the mention of literature, his passion for books, his daily struggles... There's this one phrase from Spinning gears that I just had to go to the source and read in Japanese to get the true grasp of it because I just loved and resonated so much with me: 私の持つてゐるのは神経だけである. like, yes.

it's always the most depressive writers of all that i love the most and Akutagawa has just naturally attracted me to his writing thanks to that darkness he couldn't escape from, just like many others.
there is something so captivating about Japanese literature that the more I keep reading the more I need to continue reading it and I cannot get enough of it.

I am just so damn ecstatic I read this book that literally brought tears to my eyes more often than not just because of how good it was and how sad I felt and how many things just sounded right and resonated with me.. those are truly the best books in my opinion. seriously, Hell's screen, The life of a stupid man, Death register, Spinning gears, to only name a few, truly masterpieces.

I honestly cannot wait for the day I can reread this stories in Japanese, the idea of it makes me want to cry...

a true genius out of this world, Akutagawa.
all my love to him.

I'll leave this last part written on the year he took his own life which is just:
“I don't have the strength to keep writing this. To go on living with this feeling is painful beyond description. Isn't there someone kind enough to strangle me in my sleep?”