I read this book since I was interested in learning more about the social dynamics around a lot of internet phenomena involving shunning after seeing it referenced in ContraPoints's video on cancelling.

There were some good insights in this book about the difference between conflict and abuse - one key distinction being that Abuse involves power over another. Another good one was that, when we are experiencing or witnessing Conflict, we need to move out of the tempting frame of determining who The Bad Guy is, and instead 1) look towards the situation in a more objective light, and 2) work towards mutual agreement of the Conflicted parties. Shunning while in conflict shuts the other party out as well as any potential for a fulfilling resolution.

Another key point was that, when attempting to resolve Conflict, it is a poor idea to use closed modes of communication like text messages or email. The loss of tone in these mediums makes it much easier for both parties to misinterpret each other and escalate tensions.

However, there were some parts of the book I found annoying. For instance, the chapter on queer family felt like a lot of weird conjecture with some kernels of truth. I don't get the criticisms she makes against what she calls "pro-natalists." Okay Sarah, you don't want kids, that's fine, but wanting kids or wanting to be a parent as a queer person doesn't mean you want the state to dom you. A lot of "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥" in that chapter.

I also overall felt that the book could have been a lot shorter and not have missed out on much nuance.