352 pages
Published Jan. 16, 2023 by Catapult.
In a United States not so unlike our own, the Department of Balance has adopted a radical new form of law enforcement: rather than incarceration, wrongdoers are given a second (and sometimes, third, fourth, and fifth) shadow as a reminder of their crime—and a warning to those they encounter. Within the Department, corruption and prejudice run rampant, giving rise to an underclass of so-called Shadesters who are disenfranchised, publicly shamed, and deprived of civil rights protections.
Kris is a Shadester and a new mother to a baby born with a second shadow of her own. Grieving the loss of her wife and thoroughly unprepared for the reality of raising a child alone, Kris teeters on the edge of collapse, fumbling in a daze of alcohol, shame, and self-loathing. Yet as the kid grows, Kris finds her footing, raising a child whose irrepressible spark cannot be dampened by the harsh …
In a United States not so unlike our own, the Department of Balance has adopted a radical new form of law enforcement: rather than incarceration, wrongdoers are given a second (and sometimes, third, fourth, and fifth) shadow as a reminder of their crime—and a warning to those they encounter. Within the Department, corruption and prejudice run rampant, giving rise to an underclass of so-called Shadesters who are disenfranchised, publicly shamed, and deprived of civil rights protections.
Kris is a Shadester and a new mother to a baby born with a second shadow of her own. Grieving the loss of her wife and thoroughly unprepared for the reality of raising a child alone, Kris teeters on the edge of collapse, fumbling in a daze of alcohol, shame, and self-loathing. Yet as the kid grows, Kris finds her footing, raising a child whose irrepressible spark cannot be dampened by the harsh realities of the world.
With a first-person register reminiscent of the fierce self-disclosure of Sheila Heti and the poetic precision of Ocean Vuong, I Keep My Exoskeletons to Myself is a bold debut novel that examines the long shadow of grief, the hard work of parenting, and the power of queer resistance.
This book feels a lot like a post partum depression in that nothing happens for an eternity and everything feels bad in an unspecified way.
Fortunately, it’s ok to give up on a book midway.
(It’s generally frowned upon to do that with a baby)
The start of this book felt really choppy and odd, but the more I read, the more I warmed to the style and voice. My biggest complaint was that the "kid" didn't feel realistic to her age, and that was a constant distraction as she's pretty much the crux of the story. The premise of extra shadows as a social controller was really interesting, and I almost wish there'd been more examination of this, but that's not the story Crane was telling. This is a difficult book at times because of the persecution and grief (as advertised), and I found the narrator to be a bit annoying, but I loved the queer rep in this, and came away satisfied by the end.
The start of this book felt really choppy and odd, but the more I read, the more I warmed to the style and voice. My biggest complaint was that the "kid" didn't feel realistic to her age, and that was a constant distraction as she's pretty much the crux of the story. The premise of extra shadows as a social controller was really interesting, and I almost wish there'd been more examination of this, but that's not the story Crane was telling. This is a difficult book at times because of the persecution and grief (as advertised), and I found the narrator to be a bit annoying, but I loved the queer rep in this, and came away satisfied by the end.
Excellent take on found family and caring for each other in a dystopia.
